FACEBOOK . . . CONNECTING STALKERS TO PRAY SINCE FEBRUARY 2004

THE TRUE STORY OF A DEDICATE FB STALKER:

MESSAGE FROM FIRST DAY:

[NAME REMOVED] October 12 at 6:54am

Subject: I just can't find the time to write my mind . . .

The way I want it to read... Hey, I really don't think we know each other and I know you are probably wondering why I would write you out of the blue. I am taking a chance and I realize that but at the end of the day I think you are really pretty and if I say nothing we will definitely never even speak so I guess I just figured I should take a chance.

My name is [NAME REMOVED] and I practice criminal defense for the most part all around the state but I live in and primarily work in Columbia. I have seen you on here as it seems we are fb friends and I must say you have the prettiest eyes and smile I have seen. I know there is nothing I can say in this situation to sound cool or less dorky so allow me to just let it all hang out there and ask you if maybe you would like to chat sometime?? I have always been a bit of an idealist and you never know when you might meet someone who knocks your socks off so... Maybe if you are curious/single or interested even to the slightest degree, you will at least do me the honor of saying hello and seeing if we share any chemistry together! I guess you never know unless you try right? I hope you don't think this is too lame. I really do think you are very pretty and interesting from reading your profile. [I HAVE NO INFO ON FB – NO INTERESTS, NO LIKES/DISLIKES/JUST PICTURES AND MY NAME AND LOCATION] I think any guy would consider himself very lucky to have the opportunity to get to know you. If you would like to chat sometime feel free to write me back.

AFTER GIVING NO RESPONSE, I RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE THE NEXT MORNING:

[NAME REMOVED] October 13 at 7:39am

Subject: Sorry

Hey, I gave it a shot and wrote you. I am real embarrassed since you didn't write back. I didn't mean to put you on the spot but I guess you would have responded if you were single. Hope I didn't offend you. I promise to just move on today and once again I feel like such an idiot. Please forgive me. I will just de-friend you this afternoon so you don't have to worry about me checking out your fb page again. Good luck with your legal career and with life in general. You seem like a cool girl and I am sure you will go far.

[NAME REMOVED] AFTER RECEIVING THE SECOND MESSAGE, I REALIZED I SHOULD HAVE STUCK TO MY GUNS AND SENT THE FOLLOWING REPLY TO THE FIRST MESSAGE:

Dear [NAME REMOVED],

I think in your efforts to navigate to www.eharmony.com, you accidentally found facebook; however, if, in fact, you believe that facebook is an open invitation for the people who are not on e harmony or match.com, this is "the way I would like you to read" my response . . . Your first assumption is exactly correct, and your following through on such "out of the blue" correspondence is quite creepy. Furthermore, your second assumption was more than correct because by your saying "something," we will definitely never speak again; however, your reasoning is slightly flawed, you see, had we met randomly, we might have spoken; however, now I am going to take a glance at your facebook page and make sure that if we do, in fact, ever meet, I will run.

My eyes are squinty and different colors, and I think the "gorgeous smile and eyes" line is generic, and it gets on my nerves when peopleuse it on people who, in fact, don't have "gorgeous eyes." But, I appreciate your attempt at flattery. Moreover, to appease your curiosity, you mentioned you were an "idealist;" I can assure you I am perfect; I am basically a stepford-wife with no flaws; however, I would hate to let you down in person, so lets just leave it at this so no one leaves with shattered expectations. Unfortunately at this time, although I am 100% single, I am not curious or interested in kicking off a relationship that will likely end in a restraining order. I do, however, have one question: you mentioned that you found me interesting after reading my facebook profile; however, I was wondering which part you found so interesting? Was it the blank "about me" section, or maybe, it was the blank "interests" or "favorite books" section? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you thought my e-mail address, which is the only thing listed in the information section of my facebook page, was interesting, or perhaps it was just the "mystery of it all."

Have a Nice Monday,

RRR

PS - you used to leave notes on my car when I was in undergrad, and we lived in the same apartment complex; might want to keep a list of "previously stalked girls," so you can focus your efforts on new prospects rather than wasting them on previous-pursued girls. [TRUE]